Were Heading For A Brighter Day

A friend really put some things in prospective for me the other day. 

I don't know if he realizes, but he told me a lot of things that I hope to carry through with for the rest of my life.

He told me that you should never invest emotions into someone with the intentions and outlook that the big things they're lacking as a person, they'll hopefully one day possess and be all that you need them to be. 

"It's good to want to encourage someone, to build them up and push them towards their potential, but you also have to take someone where they are and if that isn't somewhere you can be happy with if they DON'T change, then pass". 

I like to put a lot of hope and faith in people and desire to see them grow. I want people to have opportunity, and hope for a better future. I never want to doubt someone's potential or strength. But when it comes to my own happiness, and finding someone to share that happiness with, I can't afford to make exceptions with the hope of them one day being all that I need. If I can't fully trust that they're someone that is going to lead me and protect me, invest time and emotion into a relationship and desire to lead me in the ways of Christ, I can't invest precious emotions and feelings that i'm not completely sure will be returned. 

I have to believe that there is someone out there willing to lead and love me the way I desire to be loved. 

He told me that he was a big fan of picking up and moving to a place and starting completely from scratch and putting himself in situations that forced him to make something of himself. THIS inspired me. I'm always wishing to be somewhere else. Usually, it's some a place like Italy, or sunny California. 

I just got a letter saying my application to Azusa Pacific University was still in affect from two years ago when I had applied and received a pretty decent scholarship for writing. Because I was in a relationship with a guy I had been with for almost two years, I let the opportunity pass because of the fear that I might lose him. As time has passed, and I'm no longer dating him, I have come to realize that because I was blinded by young, foolish love, I let go of a major opportunity and my heart still deeply longs to go that route.

Today, I decided I can still go that route. I'ts going to take a little fearless courage, moving 20 hours away to a place I don't know a single person. But i'm ready for change. And i'm ready to do something for myself; take a leap of faith and see where it gets me. If I don't like it, i'm at a place in life where i'm not risking or losing much. 

[{At least I can look back and say that I took the chance and I chased a dream}]

SO, I filled out and re-applied for school in sunny California next year. The time building up to the move will be spent saving up and preparing for change. I can't wait to see what that will look like.

I'm dying to breath in these abundant skies

Limitless

Imagine doing everything you have ever dreamed.
What would it look like?

I know I'd be traveling. I'd probably be somewhere in Southern California, going to school and relaxing on the beach on my free time. Totally soaking in the beauty around and happily feeling the sun, warm against my golden skin.

Reality? I'm here. In Portland. Suffocated by freezing fog and pouring rain. Waking up most mornings between 4-5, working full time, going to school full time, and spending any extra time-studying full time. My head is barely above water, struggling to stay afloat between anxieties and stresses that are continually focused on weighing me down. I dream of sunshine, and I continually wish to be somewhere else but here. My mind gets trapped in a negative, nauseating state that tells me you had your chance, you didn't take it, now stick it out and make it through. Whether you like it or not.

Why do I let myself believe such a lie like that--- I ALREADY had my chance, and blew it? How come I only had one chance? Do I not get any others the rest of my life?

[(I believe the chances will always be there, they're simply just waiting to be taken)]


So what is it going to take to make me bold enough to take a chance? Risk a little?
I want to believe that because these desires and dreams are placed in my heart and continually make their appearance in my everyday life, they are bound to be somewhat beneficial to my needs.

IF NOT NOW, WHEN?


Your life is waiting to begin whenever you let it and wherever you take it. Your life follows, no matter where you are.

It's important not to add up all these notions in your mind that once you settle in, your stuck and can't move. That's all just a fear of potential discomfort and loss of control. You shouldn't fear discomfort for it's when you are taken away from your comfort zone that you're forced to grow. You shouldn't be afraid to lose control of your life, for when it comes down to it, you have zero control of the the possibilities and predicaments of your life; all you are expected to do is live it.

I want to live mine without fear. I want to live a life FULL of hope and excitement for the coming adventures and changes. At  some point you have to take yourself out of the equation and allow your mind to let go and just do. Imagine the habits you will create if you automatically count options and dreams as impossible or as a lost chance. What will you ever have to look forward to or to be hopeful and excited about. Most likely... not a whole lot.



Lord, remind me of how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered-how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; At best, each of us is but a breath.


Where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.


Psalm 39