What would it look like?
I know I'd be traveling. I'd probably be somewhere in Southern California, going to school and relaxing on the beach on my free time. Totally soaking in the beauty around and happily feeling the sun, warm against my golden skin.
Reality? I'm here. In Portland. Suffocated by freezing fog and pouring rain. Waking up most mornings between 4-5, working full time, going to school full time, and spending any extra time-studying full time. My head is barely above water, struggling to stay afloat between anxieties and stresses that are continually focused on weighing me down. I dream of sunshine, and I continually wish to be somewhere else but here. My mind gets trapped in a negative, nauseating state that tells me you had your chance, you didn't take it, now stick it out and make it through. Whether you like it or not.
Why do I let myself believe such a lie like that--- I ALREADY had my chance, and blew it? How come I only had one chance? Do I not get any others the rest of my life?
[(I believe the chances will always be there, they're simply just waiting to be taken)]
So what is it going to take to make me bold enough to take a chance? Risk a little?
I want to believe that because these desires and dreams are placed in my heart and continually make their appearance in my everyday life, they are bound to be somewhat beneficial to my needs.
IF NOT NOW, WHEN?
Your life is waiting to begin whenever you let it and wherever you take it. Your life follows, no matter where you are.
It's important not to add up all these notions in your mind that once you settle in, your stuck and can't move. That's all just a fear of potential discomfort and loss of control. You shouldn't fear discomfort for it's when you are taken away from your comfort zone that you're forced to grow. You shouldn't be afraid to lose control of your life, for when it comes down to it, you have zero control of the the possibilities and predicaments of your life; all you are expected to do is live it.
I want to live mine without fear. I want to live a life FULL of hope and excitement for the coming adventures and changes. At some point you have to take yourself out of the equation and allow your mind to let go and just do. Imagine the habits you will create if you automatically count options and dreams as impossible or as a lost chance. What will you ever have to look forward to or to be hopeful and excited about. Most likely... not a whole lot.
Lord, remind me of how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered-how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; At best, each of us is but a breath.
Where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.
Psalm 39
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