while it's still easy.

There will come a day when getting out of bed will be an obstacle. A struggle that actually takes work to do each day. A day when our bones are no longer strong, our hearts are no longer beating as quickly, and our muscles are no longer as tight and useable.
Next time you sleep half the day and then spend another hour contemplating even getting out of bed, remember that it's as easy as rolling over and stepping off to start your day. No second guessing whether your knees will give out as you stand or if that pain from yesterday will jolt back as soon as you make an effort to move... Get up and make use of the time you have. While it's still as simple as rolling put of bed, jumping on the shower and and conquering the battles of the day.
This life is a gift. Our bodies arnt getting any younger. Don't let too old and brittle sneak up so soon, leaving you wishingyou would have made use of the time you had when you were still young and healthy.

headed towards a better life.

Hold on.
I keep telling myself, wait it out. Three more months and you are in New York, starting a brand new life.
New people, food, atmosphere. Far away from ex boyfriends, broken pasts and ugly regrets.
The best part is, all that I've learned up until now as a result of trial and error, I can now put towards a fresh new start. This time doing things the way I know they will work. Not jumping into relationships. Staying healthy. Being a go getter. Trying new things and no longer afraid to be the girl in the room that doesn't know anyone.
All that doesn't bother me anymore. After spending the last two years grieving a past boyfriend, starting fresh in a big city, finding a solid relationship with Jesus, changing the habits in myself I don't like... All that is going to be finally put to work.
I am so excited. So excited.
What's left to do now? Sit back and enjoy a beautiful summer by the river in my small hometown and get stoked for the end of august when I get out and do something with my life.
It really is only the beginning.

sunshine smiles.

What's better than the warm sunshine against your skin? Life is so beautiful. Sometimes it's hard to allow yourself to just sit tight and soak it all in. Take advantage of the simple gifts in the everyday life and put a little time for yourself in you're routine. I love being able to just sit in silence. Letting my mind quiet, and my body relax. Not thinking about people, food, work, problems... Just sitting.
I think if we don't take time to just stay in a moment and soak it in, we spend too much time pushing towards the future, until all that's left is remorse in the time we passed up to work towards the time we don't even know for sure if we have or not.
So if we know for sure we have right here, right now, this very second... Wouldn't we want to spend more time in the present instead of tomorrows plans that we don't even know if it's guaranteed to us or not.

 

Beautiful mysteries. <br >

Doesn't get much better than a breathtaking sunset, cool ocean breeze, and a silenced mind.

Have you ever wondered, with all the snow, rain, sun that melts the snow, and then runs off into the rivers which all lead to the ocean... and the ocean has gone thousands of years with this same combination of adding to it's already million of billions of gallons of water... and it stays basically the same. No over flow, no drying up. the waves keep coming and stopping in the same place, we live without the fear of one day losing all dry land to an over flowing ocean. 

How crazy is it to think. With all the additionally water that is constantly adding to, logically the ocean would continue to grow, but it doesn't.

Another one of God's beautiful mysteries. One that out does the human mind and leaves us speechless within it's beauty. 

Facebook that.

I deleted Facebook last night because I'm sick of it being the thing I do when I get bored. I'm sick of it being 90% of the reason my face is glued to y phone during the day instead of looking around and taking in what's going on around me in actuality. I'm sick of worrying and thinking about what I can post that will receive the most likes or make me sound a certain way. I hate obsessing over whether or not someone will except my friend request or if they'll right me back, or why didn't they write me back?
I don't care to know what everyone is doing qt each given second. I don't care about who is dating who, or she did what last weekend!? I hate the idea of posting pictures just for the approval or liking of others.
You might say you use it for other reasons, and that may be true. I believe Facebook can be great in variations. But it's a world that's easy to get sucked into. And it's taking away precious time that I could spend doing things in the actual real world to further myself. A time and place that's apart from this virtual world that I'm sure over half of Americans are addicted to.
Hi, I'm Madison and I'm a Facebook addict.

But not for long. Facebook that!

Day one, here we go!

So, this is my first time ever doing a blog, but I've always wanted to.
I guess I'll start off with where I am currently physically and mentally.
Physically: I'm sitting at a coffee shop, listening to Pandora, loving that I have the next two days off.
Mentally: I feel great. I'm dressed to go workout after this (I figure if I'm already in the gym clothes I have no excuse not to go), and did I mention I have a day off?
Don't get me wrong, I love my job and am so so thankful to even have one in times like these. I work in a bakery/cafe, which I LOVE. Hopefully one day I'll have my own... but thats's for later.
What's tough about it now is I'm doing this no sugar thing... and when you work at a bakery and your name is Madison Beard, it's VERY hard to quit sugar.
I guess we'll start off day one and get super personal by telling you that I grew up with a mother who struggled with an eating disorder in her younger days. She was always super small and was a victim of both bulimia and anorexia. She no longer battles with both of those, but because of the severity of the diseases and mental destruction they have, she'll battle with that mindset the rest of her life.
I grew up with constantly hearing "I am so full" "I should not have eaten so much, why did I eat all that"? "I can't eat that" "I got to go workout" " I already ate" "does this look okay"?
My mom wasn't intentionally trying to poison my brain with these ideas of not measuring up, or feeling of discomfort. But she did.
I don't have an anorexia or bulimia problem, and I never have. But, I've thought about it, I've thought about it so much. Especially in my weakest times when I feel the most unmeasurable.
What I do have is an obsession with food. I think about eating, and really wanting to eat. And I think about not eating, and how I shouldn't, constantly. I find myself repeating the same things as my mother. Words at the dinner table after a perfectly good meal will spill out of my mouth, "why did I eat all of that"?
I am NOT going to be that. I'm taking a stand. I see this constant battle inside me with food addiction at age 19 and I'm deciding now that it won't rule me 20 years down the road like it does my mom. I want my daughter to feel beautiful, and love herself for who she is and who she will grow to be. I don't want to be responsible for a food addiction and self destruction in my child.
Plus, I'm sick of beating myself up.
God made me beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made as they say, and who am I to say his work is anything but?
I know my typical way of eating is completely over doing it and eating my heart out, and then mentally beating myself up after to a point of restraint from all pleasure that's found in a meal, and then falling back into over doing it again at the site of food because of the punishment of deprivation from the pig out before.
Before you assume anything, I'm a very healthy, normal sized women. Not too thin and not too big. I'm athletic built and fairly in shape.
But that doesn't keep me satisfied. If I'm going to be honest, yeah, I'd much rather be a few pounds smaller and have less muscle in my legs and arms. BUT this is why I'm going to overcome this all. I want to start really loving and accepting myself. I'm ready to be comfortable in everyday situations.
I've given up sweets and sugars for two weeks because it's my first step to self denial and self control.
I need to deny myself of these quick pleasures that I know later I beat myself up over.
I think in America today, we are so used to quick and easy fulfillments and instant gratification, that we forget the importance of denying the flesh of what it wants and thinks it "needs" to get by. How can we learn to overcome battles and trials in our life when we are so used to always getting our way?
So, when I get that urge to stuff my face, or indulge as a way of emotionally coping, I'm going to refrain. Save myself from the mental trash talk, and actually feel so much powerful for saying no to myself. If I stop letting food be the driving force in my life, and take away it's power and control, I think I can really get through this addiction. This obsession.
I'm going to beat this.